Granted, as someone who favours 70-denier black tights 365 days a year, my options are somewhat limited, but to my eye almost every type of shoe designed for sunny weather has its drawbacks.
Take flip-flops. Or rather schlip-slops as they should be more aptly called on account of the awful squelching noise they make as sweaty foot slaps loudly against plastic. Get caught in a rain shower and they are about as much use as a chocolate teapot. When wet they become death traps, the wearer slipping and sliding around as though their feet had been greased with butter, every toe straining to grip on.
Wedges? Balancing precariously on two odd-shaped blocks of wood like an apprentice Geisha just doesn't appeal. I've lost count of number of women I've seen teetering like badly stacked Jenga towers before going over painfully on their ankles.
I saw one die-hard wedge-wearer limping along, teeth gritted, the elasticated support bandages on each leg brazen testament to past war wounds. It wasn't a great look.
Then there are those weird-looking contraptions that are half hiking boot, half sandal and involve about a thousand complicated Velcro straps. Fine if you are exploring the wonders of Petra, but overkill, perhaps, for picking up bread and milk from the local newsagent.
Not to forget the downright odd. The other day I spotted a woman in miniscule Daisy Duke-style denim cut-offs and a spaghetti-strapped vest. On her feet were a pair of clumpy sheepskin Ugg boots, never mind that the mercury was nudging 25˚C.
Even traditional strappy sandals, which look pretty, are a potential Molotov cocktail when you throw perspiring feet into the mix. You need to re-mortgage your home just to afford the blister plasters for the angry-looking welts that spring up.
I'm fast running out of options here. Can someone take me shoe shopping?
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